The Hidden Wisdom of the Orders of Love

​Bert Hellinger (founder of Family Constellations) coined the term "Orders of Love" to describe the unseen laws that govern healthy relationships within familial (and broader systemic) contexts. These principles reveal how love flows—or gets blocked—through generations. From simple family dynamics to corporate structures, they show up wherever relationships play out.

---

1. Belonging: 
"It all belongs"

• Core idea:
  Every member seen or unseen has an inherent right to belong. Everyone connected to the system even the unborn, previously excluded, or deceased has an unassailable right to belong.
• Why it matters:
  Exclusion disrupts the “flow of love” in the system, often manifesting as illness, emotional entanglement, or repeated familial patterns. Exclusions create hidden emotional burdens and disruptions.
• Examples:
  • If a father’s earlier partner was unconsciously neglected, a later-born child might unconsciously identify with or carry that excluded person’s emotional burden. Reintegrating that earlier figure frees the child to simply be themselves.
  • A child unconsciously carries the unlived life of a stillborn sibling
    ​
    

2. Order: 
(Order of Arrival): "All who belong must be given their place."

• Core idea:
  There's a systemic hierarchy based on arrival - parents over children, firstborns before younger siblings, earlier partners before later ones.
• Why it matters:
  Disrupting this order - such as a younger child unknowingly taking the place of a deceased elder—results in systemic confusion and imbalance.
• Example:
  • If the first child dies before birth, the second-born may unconsciously step into that original role. Recognizing the initial-born restores order and clarity.
  • Restoring the position of an earlier spouse so the new partner can stand in their rightful place.

3. Balance:
 Giving and receiving - "There needs to be a balance/reciprocity between giving and receiving."

• Core idea:
  Healthy relationships reflect a balanced exchange. In family systems, parents give, children receive. Adults later give forward through their own families or creativity thus restoring equilibrium. 
• Why it matters:
  Imbalance—either by giving too much (smothering) or taking too much without contribution—leads to resentment, emotional burnout, or relational breakdown
• Example:
  One partner overwhelms the other with affection and care. The recipient may feel pressure or guilt and withdraw. Restoring balance heals the relationship. Or, children compensate for parental struggles but find inner freedom only when they pass blessings forward: “Thank you” and living fully becomes the balance

​

---

Why These Orders Matter

• What they reveal:
  These are not moral rules but observable patterns - forces that operate whether or not we understand them.
• Where they apply: Beyond families - organizations, communities, even nature - systems abide by these orders.

​Where have you seen these orders appear in your family or life?

---

Sources

1. Medium – Natalia Blagoeva
   The Profound Wisdom of Bert Hellinger’s Orders of Love
2. Bob & Bart (PDF)
   Orders of Love – Bert Hellinger
3. Get to the Origin
   Guiding Systemic Principles
4. Minnesota Constellations
   The Orders of Love: The Hidden Principles Behind Family Constellations
5. Alissa Fleet – Systemic Principles
   Systemic Principles Behind Family Constellations
6. Inner Peace Healing (South Africa)
   The Orders of Love
7. Hellinger.com – Official Site

• 2nd Basic Order: Hierarchy
• 3rd Basic Order: Balance

1. Family Constellations Ireland
   Orders of Love