Perpetuating the Victim Perpetrator story

 I’ve been exploring the dynamics of victim and perpetrator over the years-  themes that feel especially charged in our world right now. These patterns are not just out there in society; they also live in our families, our histories, and even in our bodies.

I recently joined an online workshop on this topic. In the past, I’ve looked at these roles through the drama triangle—victim, perpetrator, and saviour and also victim, victimiser and controller. This workshop, however, drew on Bert Hellinger’s Family Constellations work, where the facilitator (Barry Krost) shared both Hellingers insights and his own. It reminded me how entangled we can become in these dynamics, and how different things look when we can hold them with more objectivity.

In small groups, we each stepped into and represented the energies of these roles. Experiencing them directly - rather than analysing or judging them - was eye-opening. Here’s a glimpse of what surfaced for me when I stepped into these roles (NB. each person had a different experience of the roles):

• Perpetrator – a surge of rage, wanting everyone to go away, yet also a hidden longing for help. My head felt tight, and I couldn’t meet anyone’s eyes.
• Victim – an anxious, withdrawn state, caught in self-soothing and unable to look at others.
• Descendants – a surprising self-obsession, focused on my own image, even wanting to take selfies, aware of others but unwilling to truly see them.
• Consequences – a restless busyness, overwhelmed by endless tasks, looking everywhere but at others, my anxiety mounting with every new demand.
• What is needed for solution – here, the words presence without judgement arose. From this space, I could see everyone clearly and with ease.

It was fascinating, affirming, and a little unsettling—because what played out in our small group mirrors what we see in the world today, only magnified. These sessions weren’t about fixing or resolving anything; they were about feeling and witnessing the dynamics. Sometimes, insight itself is the healing: what was once hidden comes into the light.

We moved onto a deeper session with one selected person in the group so we got to observe the dynamics in a specific persons system. I was asked to represent a family member of theirs. We learn so much when we represent. Suspending our judgements and thoughts on the matter and only reporting feelings and sensations. I am grateful for this experience. The little I am allowed to share from this is the complexities involved. We can be entangled with someone else who is entangled with someone else and ...well you get the picture. 

I left with a reminder: thank goodness there are pathways to resolution in these dynamics. But they require careful holding—because, as we also see globally, the field is supercharged, and without skilled facilitation things can quickly become chaotic.

So I sit with what has arisen, letting it work through my system. And I wonder--
👉 Where do you notice yourself stepping into victim, perpetrator, descendant, or consequence?
👉 What might shift if you brought presence without judgement to that place?

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“Victim and perpetrator are deeply bound together. Only when both are acknowledged, without judgment, can the descendants be released.” - Bert Hellinger

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(The section below has been compiled with the help of Chatgpt. There is a lot more in the teachings and workshop notes that is NOT shared here)

Core Insights from a Constellations perspective:

• The system seeks balance: When an injustice (harm, violence, persecution, betrayal, murder, abuse, war atrocities) has occurred, and it is neither acknowledged nor reconciled, the system (family or collective) will try to bring balance. This often happens through descendants unconsciously identifying with either the victim or the perpetrator.
• Descendants carry what is unresolved: Later generations may unconsciously “atone” for the suffering of victims, or for the guilt of perpetrators, through patterns such as illness, depression, failure, addiction, relationship breakdowns, or even reenacting violence.
• Perpetrator and victim are bound together: Hellinger often emphasized that both belong to the same field, and excluding either (refusing to acknowledge their humanity) deepens the entanglement. Healing requires both being seen.

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Quotes & Teachings (Constellations perspective)
Bert Hellinger (founder of Constellations):

• “When great guilt is not acknowledged, it does not disappear. It passes to the descendants, who atone without knowing why.”
• “Victim and perpetrator are deeply bound together. Only when both are acknowledged, without judgment, can the descendants be released.”
• “A murderer and his victim are connected forever. When we take one side against the other, we deepen the split. When both are seen, the descendants find peace.”
• “In schizophrenia, a person often represents two excluded people at once. They carry both the victim and the perpetrator, torn between incompatible loyalties. Their soul is divided because the family’s history is divided.”

Hunter Beaumont (Hellinger collaborator):

• “Unresolved trauma in one generation often appears as entanglement in later ones, where descendants unconsciously identify with the excluded victim or perpetrator, living lives that are not fully their own.”

Ursula Franke (psychotherapist, Constellations trainer):

• “Children of victims often carry the pain of what happened, while children of perpetrators may carry the guilt. Both are innocent and both are entangled in something larger than themselves until it is acknowledged.”

Albrecht Mahr (psychiatrist & constellation facilitator)

• “Schizophrenic patients frequently show entanglements where they are simultaneously identified with perpetrators and their victims, especially in contexts of war and political violence.”

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What We See in Descendants (not exhaustive list)
If victim–perpetrator energies are not resolved: 

• Identification with the victim: A descendant may feel crushed, powerless, chronically depressed, “at the mercy of life,” or sabotage success.  
• Identification with the perpetrator: A descendant may show aggression, violence, or harshness, repeating destructive patterns.
• Identification with both: A descendant may show mental health illnesses and schizophrenia. Carrying both sides often shows up as inner conflict, fragmentation, or voices that battle within. 
• Carrying the guilt: Some may unconsciously atone by failing in relationships, careers, or health.
• Split loyalties: Families can polarize, with some descendants unconsciously aligning with the victim’s side and others with the perpetrator’s side.
• Reenactment in relationships: Cycles of abuse, betrayal, or violence reappear until they are brought to light.

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Possible Consequences

• Chronic illness or “mystery” health conditions.
• Mental health struggles (depression, anxiety, suicidality).
• Addiction or self-destructive behaviors.
• Ongoing family conflict or estrangement.
• Difficulty thriving (feeling like life is blocked).
• A sense of “carrying something heavy that is not mine.”
• Feelings of fear, shame, or sense of injustice in the world

Path to Resolution in Constellations (with a Facilitator)

• Acknowledgment: Seeing both the victim and the perpetrator as part of the system.
• Respect: Giving each their rightful place, without judgment.
• Words of reconciliation (e.g. “I see what happened. You belong. I leave what is yours with you.”).
• Inclusion: No one is excluded from belonging, not even the worst perpetrators.
• Returning fate: Descendants hand back what does not belong to them.

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NOTE: For those new to family and systemic constellations, there isn’t a fixed formula for how these entanglements play out. The consequences can emerge in many forms, depending on what has remained unresolved.  Please seek professional help if you are experiencing any mental or physical distress and illness that is beyond your capacity to deal with.

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RELATED BLOGS
​The Lores of Life: Belonging, Balance, and Order
​The Different Roles in Constellations
Family Constellations & Bert Hellinger
What the heck is PHENOMENOLOGY?
The Hidden Wisdom of the Orders of Love
Other Guiding Principles in Constellation Work that are just as important