The Lores of Life: Belonging, Balance, and Order

I have often been asked by people where does Family Constellations come from? And whilst I share that Bert Hellinger is the founder of this body of work, it came through observations from his life experiences, time spent with the Zulu tribe, ongoing studies on the human psyche and his time 'listening' to the spaces in between. 

Across cultures and traditions, there has always been an understanding that life moves according to certain laws or lores. They aren’t written in rule books, but they are visible if we pause to notice: the way a forest renews itself after fire, the way tides rise and fall, the way families thrive when love and responsibility are shared.
​
In Family and Systemic Constellations, these lores are brought to light. They are not theories, but movements of life that can be felt—reminding us how to live with greater harmony and ease.

---

Balance – The Dance of Giving and Receiving
In Constellations, balance is essential. ​When giving and receiving are in flow, relationships feel alive and nourishing. When the scales tip too far—too much giving without replenishment, or too much taking without gratitude—tension arises, and the bond weakens.
​
We see this in nature too. Rivers give life to the land, and in return the land shapes their path. Trees breathe in our carbon dioxide and gift us oxygen. When the give-and-take is broken, systems struggle to survive.

---

Belonging – Everything Has Its Place
In every family system, each person belongs. Excluding or forgetting someone creates ripples of disconnection that may echo across generations. Constellations restore belonging by gently bringing the missing or hidden back into view.  Even emotions, deeds, wrongdoings, losses, as well as the successes, celebrations and so on have a place.
​
Nature teaches the same truth. Every element has a role - bees pollinate, fungi decompose, even decay becomes the soil that nourishes new life. When something is removed or excluded from the system, the system seeks to balance in some way. 

---

Order – Foundations and Continuations
This principle can be sensitive, because the word hierarchy often carries a story of superiority. Constellations point to something different: not superiority, but sequence. Parents come before children, ancestors before descendants. Roots grow before branches. Without foundations, continuations cannot flourish. Yet roots are not “better” than branches—the whole tree is needed for life to thrive.
​
When order is respected as a natural sequence rather than a ranking, dignity and belonging are restored.

---

Universal Patterns
​These lores are not tied to any one culture. They are present in Indigenous wisdom, Taoist philosophy, African Ubuntu, and even in modern systems science. Constellations simply give us a way to experience them directly in our bodies and relationships.
​
Different languages, same truth: life moves with balance, belonging, and order.

---

Seeing Through a Systems Lens
These principles also resonate with systems thinking. Systems thinking invites us to step back and notice the whole: how every part is interconnected, how patterns repeat, and how balance is needed for a system to thrive.

In many ways, Family and Systemic Constellations are an embodied form of systems thinking. They allow us to not only see but also feel the hidden dynamics at play—where exclusion creates imbalance, where giving and receiving are blocked, or where foundations have been overlooked. Just as in ecosystems, the wellbeing of each part depends on the health of the whole.

---

Systems thinking developed in the mid–20th century as scientists, ecologists, and organisational theorists began noticing that complex challenges couldn’t be solved by looking at parts in isolation. Thinkers like Ludwig von Bertalanffy(General Systems Theory), Gregory Bateson (ecology of mind), and later Peter Senge (The Fifth Discipline, applying systems thinking to organisations) helped shape the field.
At its heart, systems thinking is about:

• Interconnectedness – everything is part of a larger whole.
• Patterns and feedback loops – events are linked, not random.
• Wholeness over parts – you can’t understand a forest by only looking at individual trees.

This resonates closely with Constellations, which allow us to experience these same principles in human relationships and family systems—not just as ideas, but as lived realities.

---

Remembering the Lores
​When we align with these natural movements, life feels lighter. Families begin to heal. Communities find ease. Ecosystems thrive. And we remember: we are part of a much larger web of belonging.
​
The invitation is simple: what if balance, belonging, and order are not things we must invent, but patterns already woven into life—waiting for us to remember?

---

RELATED BLOGS

​The Different Roles in Constellations
Family Constellations & Bert Hellinger
What the heck is PHENOMENOLOGY?
The Hidden Wisdom of the Orders of Love
Other Guiding Principles in Constellation Work that are just as important